People thought I was crazy for taking pictures of everything in the Nicu. The doors, the monitors, the wires. Our view from his room. The truth is that you never forget seeing your child like that. The sound of his ventilator echoes in my brain. The beeps of the monitors, the scars that adorn my sons feet from the blood draws that kept him with me his first 11 days of life. I’ll never forget the prayers I prayed within those halls. The irritated skin on my hands from scrubbing in so many times. The irritation on his tiny cheeks when the tubes were finally removed and there was no longer a need for tape on his face, the smell of clean and pure fear with only my faith to get me through some days.
Not being able to touch him or speak too loudly when he was on zero stimulus protocol.
And the knowledge that some families simply don’t leave with their baby. The baby they also prayed for.
You never forget as a Nicu parent because you never want to forget how far they’ve come, your now thriving healthy, beautiful child who In my case is my son. Because you will never forget how close you came to losing them. How close you came to living an entirely different life. Or how much your fragile, fierce & fearless baby taught you within the walls of that Nicu that holds their first memories. The very same Nicu that saved them. The nurses, the doctors that will always be part of your child’s story because they made sure they did everything that could be done.
Believe it or not your family left a mark on them too.
How do I know? Because I’m a Nicu mom.
Because I am Raiden’s mom.
Because I’ve lived it.
Because we are the statistic.
Because of all babies.. It was mine.
It wasn’t what I would have chosen for my son, or for my family. But it is our story. One I will always tell and celebrate.
To admire my child and the ones who survived.
To honor & remember those who did not.
To thank those who’s lives are dedicated to Nicu families and to their own.
This is September. This is Nicu awareness Month.
#proudNicuMom
#nicuawareness
